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Monday, February 7

Kiss of the Abalone

"Mom... I'm pregnant." "err... Mathieu, is that you?" "Mom, I mean it. I can feel it moving in my belly... OUH! Dang that hurts..." "Ok, baby, lie down and breathe deeply." "Mom, I think I caught it in Korea... I don't kiss and tell, but I think it was that Abalone in the sushi place last week. It came on a bit strong, and a little voice told me I was making a mistake, but I was caught up in the whole experience, and I just never..." "There, there, honey, it's alright, we all make mistakes." "At first, I thought it was nothing, just some motion sickness, or sitting in the plane for so long, but now I'm sure. It makes my skin crawl!" "tut tut" "It's colonizing my body! It's growing inside me, eating me alive, drinking my blood, and it's going to burst from my belly like Alien I!" "..." "Mom, I can't get rid of the taste, the smell, it's awful! Steamed Abalone in everything I eat! Every breath I take! It's like when you kiss your first girl from a new country, and your mouth feels all weird while her bacteria colonize your mouth, except it won't go away! The Princess will never forgive me! I can't show up at the Interview tomorrow like this! The Americans won't accept me with an Abalone growing inside me! Oh, just shoot me...." "Poor baby, have you tried eating yogurt?" "Yogurt?" "Yes, dear, yogurt, help you build up your flora, it will" "Yoda yogurt?" "Whatever makes you happy, honey." "I've been taking lots of coke..." "Now, now, what have I said about coke?" "The Atlanta kind, Mom!" "Ah, good. Well, take two cups of yogurt and call me in the morning, ok?" "Yes, Mom, thank you." "And you really should be more careful who you eat out, Mathieu." "You mean who I eat out with, Mom." "Whatever makes you happy, honey." Location : Beauvais, France.

8 Insights :

Blogger Your's Truly intuited...

Yogurt is a good 'un for the stomach mistakes. I always liked a coke when I was preggers. Next time, remember, Safe Sushi... sometimes a blood test just isn't enough.

2/08/2005 04:47:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous intuited...

Ok. Please know that I am not laughing at your situation. But, I am really laughing right now. You are too funny.

I hope the Yoda Yoghurt helped. And I hope an alien did not spring forth from your rib cage like a jack-in-the-box.

And good luck with that interview.


2/08/2005 11:43:00 AM  
Blogger Jellyfish intuited...

And you called *my* post evil!

ps - I love how your sound effects are so French. 'Ouh!' 'Woot!' It's like reading Tintin! (Minus the slightly disturbing racial steretypes and sexism)

2/08/2005 01:06:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous intuited...

Yep, Momma is always right, yoghurt is excellent for a stomach ache, to replace the good bacteria. Don't worry about the Americans; they've seen worse! :D

2/08/2005 02:07:00 PM  
Blogger wendy intuited...

If you can get the Abalone to burst forth from your stomach and sing a showtune a la Space Balls, you'll be a shoe-in with the Americans.

2/08/2005 02:48:00 PM  
Blogger Kitten intuited...

Poor baby!

Are you feeling any better. I never heard that yogurt cured food poisoning...good to know.

2/08/2005 04:00:00 PM  
Blogger La Nina intuited...

Ah, moms. They've seen it all. No wonder that by the time you grow up they're cool as a cucumber about everything.

Hope you feel better soon.

2/08/2005 08:51:00 PM  
Blogger Mathieu intuited...

Mama does, indeed, know best, and after eating disturbing quantities of yogurt, am feeling human and have washed taste of kiss of the abalone from mouth.

Thank you all for your support, kind words, and the interview, did indeed, go well!

Yay me! I mean, yay youze, my wonderful audience.

2/08/2005 11:16:00 PM  

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